Forgiveness
by Mesalline
Summary: As the last few notes of Moonlight Serenade faded away, a gun shot rang through out the hub...
1. Moonlight Serenade

_A/N: Sorry about the short chapter, the next chapter will be longer i promise. _

It had been a week since Jack had let Jasmine go with the fairies, and Jack had still kept himself shut away in his office. No one but Ianto had bothered to go and check on him, the rest of the team still hadn't forgiven him. Ianto had decided to remain neutral; he couldn't judge the Captain because he hadn't been their, nor would he have judged him. Goodness knows he had made some terrible mistakes before now.

Ianto spared a glance up at Jacks office. The office was pitched in darkness, but the haunting notes of "Moonlight Serenade" floated through under the glass office door. Ianto sighed and made his way up to the coffee machine. The others didn't realize it, but the Captain had been sinking deeper and deeper into depression over the past week.

Gwen, Owen and Toshiko had been so wrapped up in their own anger at Jack that they hadn't realized that Jack blamed himself too- or maybe they had but they just didn't care.

The coffee machine was particularly loud, the hum of it was echoing around the walls. The only sounds that could be heard were the occasional squawk of the pterodactyl and the music coming from Jacks office.

As the last few notes of "Moonlight Serenade" faded away, a gun shot rang through out the hub.

_Now please Review and let me know if i should continue writing this, Thank you. _


	2. Seeking Solace

The gun shot rang throughout the hub, the noise bouncing off the walls. Shock and fear kept Ianto stationary. After what seemed like hours, he pulled himself together, the coffee machine was long forgotten.

Ianto grabbed a medical kit that Owen had left hanging around and hurried up to Jacks office. His footsteps echoed loudly around the hub. Ianto cursed himself; he should have seen this coming. This wasn't the first time that the Captain had attempted suicide; and it probably wouldn't be the last time either, he thought sadly.

Ianto carefully opened the office door and switched on the light, which cast an eerie orange glow over the room. Instantly the metallic copper smell of blood hit him, and he forced down the urge to vomit.

The Captain was slumped in his chair, his head was at an odd angle, and his eyes had rolled back so only the whites were showing. The soft tissue under his chin was now splattered across his desk and bits of flesh mixed with blood had soaked his World War Two attire. Part of his skull had been blown away which left a gaping whole in the top of his head. Bits of brain and skull were plastered against the wall behind him.

The shattered remains of a Whisky bottle lay scattered across the floor, and an empty glass had been abandoned on the desk. Ianto could still hear the stutter of the old grammar phone Jack liked to keep in the corner of his office.

Like waves crashing into the shore, the shock of the scene washed over Ianto; fear pouring into him. No matter how many times he had seen the Captains dead body, he could never get used to it. Ianto gathered himself together and slowly advanced towards the desk. The scene was - if possible- even worse close up.

He placed the medical kit carefully on the blood stained desk and knelt down beside Jacks chair. As carefully as he could he praised the pistol out of Jacks hand; cleaned the weapon and took out the remaining bullets. He placed the bullets in his jacket pocket and put the now clean gun back down on the desk. He gently lifted the Captain back up into a more comftable sitting position- there was nothing more he could do for Jack until he woke up again.

He then took the cleaning cloth and spray from the med kit which Owen used to clean the blood of the autopsy table. He set to work cleaning the blood and bits of skull and brain off the wall behind the desk; trying not to think about what it actually was. Suddenly he heard a shuddering gasp and spluttering behind him; Ianto carried on with the seemingly impossible task of scrubbing the walls.

"Why are you still here?"

Ianto suppressed a shudder- the voice didn't sound like Jack's.

"I'm sorry sir?"

"I asked; why are you still here? Don't you have a home to go to?" Jack's voice was dull and flat, there was no emotion there at all, and it unnerved Ianto.

"There's work to be done sir," he added in his head "Because you need me." Though he'd never tell Jack that.

"Please Stop that."

Ianto moved round to the front of the desk; set the cloth and spray down, and he took the seat on the other side of the desk. Ianto realized that this was the first time he had seen Jack properly since the incident with the fairies. The wound to his head had completely healed over, though his clothes were still heavily blood stained. He was still in the sitting position Ianto had put him in before he came back to life; he had made no effort to move. The Captains chin was resting on his chest and his eyes were half closed. It was then Ianto noticed the black shadows under Jack's eyes, it looked like he hadn't slept at all in the past week.

Ianto waited for Jack to speak first, it seemed that he had been waiting for hours until-

"Why don't you hate me?"

Ianto looked up in shock- He had never imagined those words would come out of Jack's mouth.

"Hat- Hate you, sir? Why would I hate you?"

Jack finally opened his eyes and observed Ianto- he couldn't help but recoil under the stare.

Jack's eyes, once full of light, life and laughter, were now dark and empty.

"I don't hate you."

Jack looked away from Ianto; it seemed that he couldn't bear to keep eye contact.

"Then perhaps you should."

Ianto recognized the depressive state the Captain was in; he knew it all to well. After London, Canary Wharf Ianto had slipped into depression until he was forced to go back to work at Torchwood 3. He found that being kept busy and being around people who actually cared about him helped Ianto get back to; what could roughly be considered, normal. He doubted that he would ever be 'Normal' after what happened to Lisa. The difference between Ianto and Jacks situation was that Ianto had people who cared about his existence around him, and Jack had no one. Or at least, he thought he had no one.

"Why should I hate you?" Ianto asked. He didn't really know what to say to Jack, if Ianto said the wrong thing he could make things ten times worse.

Jack leveled his gaze to Ianto's again, and this time Ianto did not flinch.

"I gave her to them. I didn't even try and stop them. The rest of the team are furious, and rightly so. A mother lost her daughter and her husband on the same day. Instead of organizing a wedding, she is now organizing a funeral. It's my fault- I knew what we were dealing with, why didn't I stop it? I should have tried harder."

Jack finished his self loathing rant with a sigh and buried his head in his arms.

"I've not slept all week, I can't sleep. It's driving me insane- It's a miracle we've had no disasters, can you imagine me trying to lead a team of three mutinous people?"

Jack looked so tired and devastated that Ianto could think of nothing to say that he thought would comfort him.

"Maybe if I try and talk to the others-"

"No!"

Jack cut him off; his blank stare boring into Ianto, which sent shivers down his spine.

"Why?"

But Jack just stared gloomily at the blood stained desk.

"I let her go-"

"Sir!" It was Ianto this time who cut him off.

"It-Was-Not-Your-Fault! Sometimes you have to accept that you can't save every single person in the universe Jack! I think sometimes, Owen, Tosh and Gwen forget that; and I think sometimes you do to! You're only human, Immortal or not! Talk to the others; make them understand why you couldn't save her! They need to realize! Then, and only then, will you all be able to move on from this!"

Ianto was surprised to find that he was shaking, whether with rage or emotion he did not know. Jack, it seemed, had been stunned into silence. It was a long time before either of them spoke again.

"They still wouldn't see, I mean, even if it wasn't my fault, they wouldn't understand- Would they?"

"You need to forgive yourself, sir. Before anyone else can forgive you, self forgiveness comes first. The others will come round, they always do. Just...Just look after yourself sir, and everything else will fall into place."

Ianto smiled at the Captain, and was delighted when Jack smiled back, even though it was only a small smile, It was a start.

"And you really think it will be that easy?"

Ianto shook his head.

"No sir, it won't be easy. Nothing is ever easy- you of all people know that. It will take time sir, but happiness will come."

With that, Ianto stood up and picked up the medical kit.

"Are you sure your okay sir? Is there anything I can get you before I leave? Coffee?"

For the second time in a week, Jack smiled. Ianto placed a reassuring hand on Jacks shoulder.

"No Ianto, go home. I'll be fine."

Jack watched the Welshman turn and walk away. A small part of him; a part of him that wasn't immersed in grief and sorrow, thought that maybe, just maybe, Ianto was right. Jack sighed and closed his eyes. He had a throbbing headache; he always got headaches after he had come back to life.

Jack stood up and opened the door which led to his private quarters. He heard a faint clicking noise and realized that the grammar phone was still playing. As he walked over he got a proper sight of the desk, he'd made a right mess of it. The mess could wait till morning though, he thought. Jack switched the grammar phone off and turned out the lights in the office; and darkness crept through the hub once more.


	3. Facing the Music

_A/N: Thank you to all my reviewers who encouraged me to write the next part. hugs and gives internet cookiez I really was stumped what to write for this chapter, so any feed back would be greatfully appreciated. This will probably be the last chapter until I get back from holiday, I'm away for ten days from monday, so I'm trying to update all of my fics before I go. I think theres just one more chapter to go now, which i will update Asap. Thank you to all those who have followed the story. _

_Warnings: Swearing in this chapter. _

Gwen Cooper was late for work, very late. It was 9.00 am; she should have been at work over an hour ago. But Rhy's had come down with what she suspected was flu, and she had to sort him out before turning in for work. Gwen reached down into her bag as she stopped at traffic lights and pulled out her comb; she hadn't even had time to brush her hair this morning. Gwen swore as the traffic lights turned green again and she tried to brush her hair and steer her car at the same time, which indecently turned out to be a rather bad idea. A man dressed in a smart suit and carrying a leather brief-case stepped out right in front of her without looking where he was going. Gwen slammed on the Breaks; causing her to be thrown forwards onto the dash board.

"_Shit_," she cursed. "_Shit shit shit_..." a colourful arrangement of swear words poured out of her mouth as she lost control of her anger. The man she had nearly run over gave her a rude hand gesture before storming off. She sighed; it had been a very bad morning.

Gwen knew Jack would kill her when she got back to the hub- but then she found her self thinking that she didn't actually care what Jack thought. She had stopped caring a week ago. She swung the car round and rolled into the car park on the Bay, the stones crunching under the weight of the tyres.

She glanced in her wing-mirror and saw Owen pull up beside her. She smiled as she got out of the car.

"You late too?" she asked.

"Yup," Owen nodded. He raised his eyebrows at her. "You look a mess," he commented.

Gwen snorted. "You can always count on Owen to make you feel better."

Owen shrugged and shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

"What's up?" he asked.

Gwen sighed and looked up at the sky, the cold wind biting against her skin.

"Rhys is ill, almost ran a guy over on the way here, I'm late for work, I hate my boss, that enough for you?" she said angrily.

Owen held his hands up in an 'I surrender' gesture.

"I was only showing some concern for my fellow colleague," he said. "No need to get shirty love."

They walked the rest of the way to the Tourist Office in silence.

"Time to face the music!" Owen remarked. He sounded unhelpfully cheerful.

Gwen glared at him. "I don't believe you! You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?" she fumed.

Owen shrugged. "It's not me who has the problem with Jack."

And with that he turned and walked into the Tourist Office, leaving a confused and hurt Gwen in his wake.

_TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW_

Toshiko looked up from her monitor as she heard the hub door roll open. Owen sauntered into the hub. He threw his jacket onto his chrome swivel chair and slumped into it. He sighed, put his hands behind his head and propped his feet up on his desk. Toshiko quirked an eyebrow and shot him a quizzical look.

"Your late," she said as Ianto handed him a cup of steaming hot coffee.

"I know."

As he was thanking Ianto for the Coffee the hub doors rolled open for a second time and Gwen stormed into the hub, throwing her bag down angrily on her desk. She glared at Owen and took the cup of Coffee that Ianto had nervously offered her.

"Where's Jack?" she demanded, without even thanking him for the Coffee.

Ianto shuffled nervously and looked down at his feet.

"Erm...I-I'm not sure." He stammered. "Maybe he's gone for a walk?"

Gwen snorted, whilst Owen shot Ianto a look.

"Walk?" he repeated. "Since when does Jack go on walks?"

Ianto turned to face him, feeling the anger rise up inside him.

"How would you know if he does or doesn't go on walks!? Since when have any of you ever asked him about his personal life- Or his feelings!? You're not interested in him are you-?"

"Oh and I suppose you are, _tea-boy_?" Owen shot back.

Ianto flushed, but he was determined that this time he would stand his ground. Jack had always told him he was more than just a tea-boy; well now he was going to prove it, he thought grimly.

_TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW_

Jack let out an exasperated sigh and leaned heavily against the cold metal railings. How long he had been stood there he didn't know; he'd lost track of time. He grinned to himself when he thought about what a certain Time-Lord would have said to him about loosing track of time. He wondered what the Doctor would do in his situation. He looked up at the sky, which was now a beautiful peri-winkle blue.

He had so many different emotions running through him that he really didn't know which one he should act upon. Usually on situations such as this he acted upon his gut instinct, which quite often turned out to be right. But not this time. Look where his "Gut instinct" had gotten him.

He felt guilt, so much guilt. He felt guilt because he had let the girl go, he should have tried harder. The Doctor would have. He always found a way to save the day. He also felt guilty for what he had put Ianto through last night. The young Welshman did not deserve that. He felt grief for the girl, what was her name? Jasmine. He had even forgotten her name. Had he lost all sense of respect?

He felt grief for the mother too, he knew how she felt. He knew what it was like to loose a loved one, so why had he just let it happen? He also felt burning anger towards his team- Why didn't they understand!? Gwen; in particular.

He let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding and made his way back to the Tourist Office. He would usually have taken the scenic route- It was his favorite way of going to work, but he just didn't feel like it at the moment. Maybe when this whole mess had blown over.

The shop door opened and a bell sounded somewhere deep within the depths of the shop, but no one answered the call. He frowned slightly, Ianto usually kept an eye on the shop. Even though Torchwood was a secret organization they had to have a cover story and cover stories was what Torchwood did best. A Tourist Information Office was a great cover up for a secret base in the middle of Cardiff Bay. However that meant they occasionally got a few lost tourists wandering in; and it wouldn't do for them to find out about Torchwood. He'd have a word with Ianto; the Welshman was neglecting some of his duties.

His footsteps echoed loudly through the bare corridors that lead to the hub. He had no idea how far underground he was now. He took the lift to the lower floors. The lift shuddered to a halt and the doors creaked open rather loudly. Perhaps it's time Torchwood invested in a new lift, he thought.

Raised voices floated through from under the door and echoed around the walls. He paused with his hand on the door handle, unsure whether to listen in or not. It was too late-

_"...Since when have you ever asked him about his personal life- Or his feelings!? Your not interested in him are you-_" Jack recognized Ianto's voice.

_"Oh, and I suppose you are, Tea-Boy?"_ Jack quietly simmered as Owen called Ianto a _'Tea-boy.'_ To Jack, he was so much more than that. Jack decided that he had heard enough, and he rolled open the huge concrete door.

_TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW_

For the third time that morning Toshiko glanced nervously towards the doors as they rolled open. She gasped and dropped her Coffee mug. Jack stood in the door way; trench coat billowing around him, expression thunderous. Owen, Ianto and Gwen stopped arguing abruptly and turned sharply towards the door.

The silence in the hub was deafening, and Toshiko was sure that; if such a thing could be done, the atmosphere could have been cut with a knife. Gwen was the first one to break the silence.

"Where've you been?" she said angrily, folding her arms and leaning back in her chair.

Jack raised his eye brows slightly. "Walking."

Owens eyebrows disappeared into his hair. Gwen stared sardonically at Jack whilst Ianto stood behind the group looking smug.

"All though," he said; advancing towards the anxious group, "I could say the same to you."

Gwen frowned. "What?"

"Where have you been?" Jack stared at Gwen. "You're over an hour late for work."

Gwen snorted. "Well, on the scale of things, do you really think being late for work matters?"

Jack shrugged. "I dunno, I'd say being late for work generally ticks allot of bosses off, including me- I think you've forgotten that I am actually, Still your boss. Much as you might not like it."

Toshiko looked sympathetic.

"How much did you hear?" she asked him quietly.

"Enough."

Jack made as if to turn to his office, but Gwen wasn't going to let it drop.

"So you're going to run away then, ignore us as usual?"

Ianto made a warning noise to Gwen as Jack spun round to face her.

"Run away?" he asked, his voice dangerously quiet. Gwen seemed to shrink before him.

"Believe me Gwen. I'm the last person to run away from my problems."

Jack turned and walked to his office quickly before they could stop him. He slammed the office door shut causing the glass walls to crack. Taking out a Whisky bottle he slumped in his chair. It was going to be an extremely long day.

_Few, their we go. One more chapter to go:D Now...You see that little button underneath? Hitting that would make me very very happy XD Thanks for reading, folks!_


	4. Forgive and Forget

_A/N: Due to the popularity of this fic (Which i'm really amazed at, I didn't think people would like this! XD) I've decided to give in to my reviewers and finish it before I go away for them ) I want to take the time to thank each and every person who has reviewed, supported, and followed this fiction through to the end. I'm dedicating this to you guys! Because i really really appreciate all the comments and support. Thank you to my reviewers: Azzy494, Izzfrogger, Jack4Ianto, Aqua Mage, Dark-Yukari, Ithilian, Hazeleyes, and The Lonliest Dalek. Thank you to anyone who reviews this story in the future too! I feel rather sad now this has finished :( My first ever completed fanfic XD WooT! Anyway, So here's to the human race, who can forgive and forget :)_

_TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW_

Jack looked up from his paper work as he heard the door open with a soft click. Gwen stuck her head through the gap.

"You wanted to see me, _sir_?" she said, stressing the last few syllables.

Jack nodded. "Sit." He said, pointing to the chair on the other side of his desk.

Gwen sat. And waited. She was not going to be the one to break the silence. But the strain between the two of them became almost unbearable, until-

"Drink?"

Gwen stared. "What?" she asked.

"Drink?" he repeated, pointing to the half empty Whisky glass sitting on his table.

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware this was a social call," she said coolly.

"It's not." he said. "There is such a thing as manners, though. Which you seem to have forgotten lately."

"I wonder why?" she said sarcastically. She frowned and scratched her chin, looking as if she was deep in thought.

"Oh, I know!" she clicked her finger.

"You."

Jack sat back in his chair, perplexed at Gwen's behavior.

"Really?" he was just as prepared as she was to play the 'I'm gonna throw a tantrum' game.

"Enlighten me."

Gwen folded her arms in defiance.

"Where do you want me to start?" she drawled.

"The beginning would be a suitable place."

Gwen laughed. "Fine then, you asked for it, Harkness. Let's see, it all starts off with these creatures called fairies. Now, you'd expect fairies to be harmless things, wouldn't you? Estelle certainty did," Jack flinched at the mention of Estelle's name. "Oh, sorry Jack I forgot. All though, you did try and pass yourself off as your imaginary fathers son. Lying again-"

"I had no choice!" he hissed. "If you were in my position- What would you do!?"

Gwen chose to ignore him and carried on as if she hadn't heard anything.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Jack? I knew that was you in that photograph-"

"Come off it, Gwen! It wasn't you I was lying too-"

"No, It was Estelle, wasn't it?" she shot back.

"YOU TRY BEING IMMORTAL!" Jack roared at her.

"YOU TRY IT! SEE HOW LONG YOU LAST! WATCHING EVERYONE AROUND YOU DIE WHILST YOU STAY THE SAME! KNOWING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A FAMILY, NEVER GET TOO CLOSE TO SOMEONE-"

"You seem to be getting along fine with Ianto though," she said slyly.

Jack turned brick read.

"MY PERSONAL LIFE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU-"

Gwen shook her head. "Your right. But when it comes to people loosing their lives,

Jack-"

"And you know what another flaw, another snag about being immortal is Gwen?" he asked, cutting her off.

She stared blankly at him.

"You have to live with your mistakes- Forever. Not just until you die. Forever, Gwen."

Gwen looked down at her feet, suddenly feeling ashamed.

"Did you not think that I could actually be feeling guilty?" he asked quietly.

When she didn't answer, he said, "I'm not a monster, you know."

"I didn't think-" she started.

Jack smiled sadly at her. "The greater good, Gwen. That's what we were taught in the war. If I had not have let the fairies take Jasmine, tell me what would have happened."

Gwen thought, and looked up to see Jack staring intently at her.

"They would have killed everyone." she said quietly.

Jack nodded. "Taken back what was rightfully theirs."

"You've seen them before?" she asked him quietly.

Jack nodded and poured himself a glass of Whisky.

"Along time ago. On a troop train. Everyone was happy, laughing, singing. Loud. Too loud." he paused.

"Then suddenly we hit a tunnel," he said taking a swig from his glass.

"At first we thought a bird had flown in. But then everything went quiet."

"What happened then?" asked Gwen in a hushed voice.

Jack shook his head sadly.

"And then...when we came out of the tunnel...all 15 men were dead. Men I was responsible for-" he gulped down the last of his drink.

"Why did they kill them?"

Jack looked at her. It was a piercing stare, and she felt like she was being X-rayed. Judged.

"Earlier that week the men got trunk and drove a tank through the village," he said. "They killed a girl."

Gwen made the connection.

"A chosen one?" she asked.

Jack sighed and nodded.

"A chosen one."

Suddenly, Gwen understood why Jack had given in. Why he had done what he had. She felt even more ashamed now than she had before.

"Hey," he said smiling at her. "You're only human. You didn't understand. You needed it to be explained."

Gwen found herself smiling back. "Sorry," she muttered.

Jack flashed her a grin and leaned back in his chair.

"So," he said. "Am I forgiven now?"

Gwen raised her eyebrows slightly "Forgiven." She said. "For now, that is."

Jack laughed. "What about that drink?"

TWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Ianto looked up from his work station as he heard Jack's office door open. Gwen literary bounced out of the door, a huge grin on her face. It was the first time Ianto had seen her smile for over a week.

"Hey Ianto," she said happily. "'Couldn't get us a Coffee could you?"

Ianto smiled and nodded. "You look happy," he commented.

Gwen grinned and punched him playfully in the arm. "And am I not allowed to be happy anymore?"

Ianto grinned. "It's a nice change, that's all."

Ianto was still smiling as he made his way over to the Coffee machine. It looked like Gwen and Jack had finally sorter out there difference's, he thought. At least would be certain that he wouldn't find a dead body in the Office when he locked up tonight. He handed each of the team a steaming cup of Coffee- Gwen beamed at him when he offered her one, and he knocked on the door.

"Enter."

"Coffee sir," said Ianto.

Jack flashed him one of his trade mark grins.

"Ahhh, Ianto, You're a god send!"

Ianto turned red as Jack took the coffee from him. They sat in silence for a while.

"So," Ianto decided to cut to the chase. "You and Gwen finally made up then?"

Jack nodded and smiled. He had felt like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders since his little heart to heart with Gwen.

"The thing about forgiveness though," he said quietly. "Is that it can be a rather fickle thing."

Ianto nodded. "That's what makes us human, sir."

Jack stood up and slipped his hand through Ianto's. Together they surveyed the rest of the team working beneath them. "Your right." he said softly.

Yes, he thought. The young Welshman was right. There would be many of times in the future when he would let his guard down and make a mistake. There would be consequences and repercussions, tears and tantrums. But at the end of it all, forgiveness always came through. As fickle as it was, the human emotion to forgive always out shone the rest. It was what sets the human race apart. Jack suddenly knew why the Doctor favored the human race above all others. This sudden realization surprised him. It had taken him so long to work it out. What he had said to Gwen had been wrong. He would be able to love someone, have friends. He'd just have to move on. Forgive and Forget.

He was human, he was alive, and it was _fantastic_.

_Fin._


End file.
